In the past month I have twice avoided people with whom I did not want to discuss our loss. Just pretended that I didn't see either of them.
Today, as I was having lunch with two friends, a dad I knew from our children's many mutual Montessori years ~ in fact, we served together on the board of the school for a lengthy period of time ~ walked up to our table to say hello. He did not know about my own switch two years ago from teaching to seminary, and so I assumed that he also did not know about any of the other recent events in our lives. When he asked about the kids, I sucked in some air and said, "I guess you don't know about what's happened; we lost Chicago Son to suicide last September."
He assured me that he did know and had, in fact, either spoken or written to me last fall. And I acknowledged that I have very little memory of those first months.
That was the second time, I think, that I have had to say it out loud.
I don't even have to go outdoors for the nearly another 48 hours. I'm really glad about that.