Afternoon ~ The day fell apart. Big plans for accomplishing something academic, but several hours were filled with the continuing (and perhaps after several weeks finally successful) effort to surrender our son's car to the dealer. And all for want of a fax. The young man at the dealer has been unfailingly polite; it was someone on the other end, or perhaps many someones, who has not seemed able to perform their job(s).
Evening ~ After a bit of a rant, about how whenever I accomplish one of these minor but emotionally burdensome tasks, I think it's time for my son to come home ~ "OK, that one's done, we got over another hurdle ~ now can we go back to our lives?" ~ I crawled into bed and spent most of the evening reading. Gregarious Son got home from work early and I could hear him and the Quiet Husband laughing over a movie in the living room.
Saturday morning ~ Drove to the university library to find it closed for the week-end, so came home and set up shop in the dining room. Email from a friend whose son also died by suicide. I emailed back that my basic plan for tomorrow is to hibernate, and to cancel most of the next several months, when all of our family anniveraries of all sorts will take place. ("You already tried to cancel Christmas and Easter," my spiritual director pointed out last week.) She sent a wise response,urging me to " just plan to be doing something. And include in the plan time to cry, scream, yell, write, pray, talk, be alone, whatever." I plan to go for a walk and then clean the house and clean out the gardens. No public appearances and no academic work.
It's gray and windy outside, but it's walk time. Enough of sitting here working.