Thankfully the theory of rigidly defined "stages of grief," helpful as it was when the study of bereavement was in its infancy, has long since been discarded for a more accurate understanding of what is probably called somewhere the spiral(s) of grief.
Last night, trying to understand my experience of the past couple of days, I tried to subject it to some cold, quantitative analysis. I realized that the terrible, huge, and seemingly unpredictable waves of sorrow that wash over me occur with some regularity, probably every hour or so. I can be doing anything ~ sitting in class, engaged in conversation, eating with friends, folding laundry ~ and suddenly I am completely overwhelmed by a tidal wave of anguish. I would guess that most of the time no one in the my vicinity has any idea. I suppose there are those who notice that I am quieter than usual, but they don't know that I am wondering whether I will survive to the next minute.
Musical Friend, whose husband died nine months ago, says she is just sick and tired of how she feels. I agree with her on occasion, but most of the time I'm not far enough into it yet to see out of it.
8 comments:
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You are so right about those tidal waves of grief, and the spiralling nature of grief. It's been 3 years since my loss, so I have managed to fight my way into a new way of living. Yet there are still unexpected moments that overtake me that still threaten to drag me under. My prayers are with you.
Thinking of you and praying you have the strength to get through these tidal waves of grief.
(((Robin)))
Yes, they still happen, and I'm tired of it as well. I'm finally able to talk about R. with friends again in a fairly upbeat manner. It reminds me of when I was a newlywed and being married and my husband was all I could talk about. Then there are times when the littlest thing completely unwinds me, and I'm lost and mute in the misery.
((GG))
Mich
and for me, grief was a lot like cataracts, I think as they've been described to me. I lived a half life under a gray sheet. One day in September (more than two years after my loss), I looked and truly saw the sun shining clearly. And, only THEN, did I realize how dark my days had been. I still have days when that gray sheet comes back. Grief is inescapable . . . perhaps like Doubt or like Faith or any other very important force. alexandra
Those tidal waves are things which never go away completely..they do get less frequent though. I have had to pull my car to the side of the road at times because I just couldnt see where I was driving, Ive knelt knee deep in the desert sand and watched tears drip and make rivulets..but afterwards, when the river has flowed, I do feel better..I little less choked up...much love to you
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