No, it doesn't ease.
It changes, that's all.
There are always new events, new encounters, new tasks ~ and each one brings with it a new facet of pain, or sadness, or longing.
This morning I found myself thinking, "OK, it's been long enough; it's time for you to come home so we can get on with our lives."
I will graduate from seminary in a few weeks. (Assuming that I ever finish The Big Huge Paper about which I have no thoughts whatever.) I wish that that particular event could mean to me what I once anticipated it would. I have no idea what it means now, to me or to anyone else, other than yet another milestone which my family is unable to acknowledge or celebrate together.
I imagine my son saying to me, "Mom, I am so sorry. I love you so much and I did not imagine that I would be transferring my pain to you forever."
But that's only in my imagination.
It changes, that's all.
There are always new events, new encounters, new tasks ~ and each one brings with it a new facet of pain, or sadness, or longing.
This morning I found myself thinking, "OK, it's been long enough; it's time for you to come home so we can get on with our lives."
I will graduate from seminary in a few weeks. (Assuming that I ever finish The Big Huge Paper about which I have no thoughts whatever.) I wish that that particular event could mean to me what I once anticipated it would. I have no idea what it means now, to me or to anyone else, other than yet another milestone which my family is unable to acknowledge or celebrate together.
I imagine my son saying to me, "Mom, I am so sorry. I love you so much and I did not imagine that I would be transferring my pain to you forever."
But that's only in my imagination.
8 comments:
Is it? Or could it be truly his voice? I dare to believe it could be.
I pray that you will find meaning and comfort as you need it, each day. I guess I pray that for all of us on this path. Sending love to you from here.
Wherever his energy is now, perapas there is a part of him that IS saying that.
Like Karen, I dare to believe it could be...
((Robin))
(((((robin)))))) the last paper is absurdly hard under any circumstances... one day and one word at a time.
((Hugging you))
either way I feel sure he would be saying that.
I'm a skeptic too, but I listen for Joey's voice now and hear him speaking to us, and I know that's Josh speaking to you. It rings true. One day the door will open and you will hear those words face-to-face. For now it's a voice behind the door, but his voice nonetheless. I'm sorry for the lack of graduation celebration, yet understand it perfectly. That real celebration will be another day too. I applaud your courage and faith and hope that keeps you together in the midst of sadness.
Hugs and love to you dear Robin.
{{{hugs}}}
Amen ... What they said.(((R)))
Post a Comment