Tuesday, May 4, 2010

20 Months and 2 Days

No, it doesn't ease.

It changes, that's all.

There are always new events, new encounters, new tasks ~ and each one brings with it a new facet of pain, or sadness, or longing.

This morning I found myself thinking, "OK, it's been long enough; it's time for you to come home so we can get on with our lives."

I will graduate from seminary in a few weeks. (Assuming that I ever finish The Big Huge Paper about which I have no thoughts whatever.) I wish that that particular event could mean to me what I once anticipated it would. I have no idea what it means now, to me or to anyone else, other than yet another milestone which my family is unable to acknowledge or celebrate together.

I imagine my son saying to me, "Mom, I am so sorry. I love you so much and I did not imagine that I would be transferring my pain to you forever."

But that's only in my imagination.


karen gerstenberger said...

Is it? Or could it be truly his voice? I dare to believe it could be.

I pray that you will find meaning and comfort as you need it, each day. I guess I pray that for all of us on this path. Sending love to you from here.

Lisa :-] said...

Wherever his energy is now, perapas there is a part of him that IS saying that.

Like Karen, I dare to believe it could be...

Cynthia said...


Sarah S-D said...

(((((robin)))))) the last paper is absurdly hard under any circumstances... one day and one word at a time.

Mary Beth said...

((Hugging you))

either way I feel sure he would be saying that.

Karen said...

I'm a skeptic too, but I listen for Joey's voice now and hear him speaking to us, and I know that's Josh speaking to you. It rings true. One day the door will open and you will hear those words face-to-face. For now it's a voice behind the door, but his voice nonetheless. I'm sorry for the lack of graduation celebration, yet understand it perfectly. That real celebration will be another day too. I applaud your courage and faith and hope that keeps you together in the midst of sadness.
Hugs and love to you dear Robin.

Michelle said...


Rev SS said...

Amen ... What they said.(((R)))