I came home early, a couple of days ago.
I took Purple's much-appreciated notes about spaciousness and freedom with me, but such was not to be.
I realize I have written little about my inner religious life in this blog. Perhaps someday I will. It may be the one and only thing I have to contribute to the dialogue concerning ministry to the badly wounded.
I have read a great deal about survivors of suicide in the last year, and some about those who have contended with the loss of a child, but precious little of the material is about spiritual survival. Struggles in the mental, emotional, pyschological, practical arenas ~ those are the areas most covered. In fact, one author I read commented on how mysterious it seemed to her that suicide survivors so often mention the sense of abandonment by God as one of the most prevalent features of their newly inhabited landscape ~ and then glided blithely onto the next topic.
I'll post some pictures soon. It was beautiful, up there where I was. But the silence was too silent.
9 comments:
I'm glad you were able to do what you needed to do. Welcome back. I missed your thoughts.
I agree with you about the lack of info on surviving spiritually. I too felt abandoned, even betrayed, by God. There was hardly a day since my boy came into the world that I didn't pray for him. Was God listening? Did He care? Now I've decided God owes me nothing, and gave me more than I deserved. Maybe in another year, that will change again. In the meantime, I would love to hear your thoughts when you are able to express them.
I too am glad you did what you needed to do.
What the other two said.
And welcome back.
Tough call,
It may be too bold of me to say so, but I bet the gospel of Mark is beginning to make more sense to you.
We have never met, but you are in my prayers, in more ways than you know. Someone mentioned Gerald May earlier. He used to talk about the hole a person leaves in our hearts when they pass away. The bigger the hole the greater the love. As a spiritual director I think he would have said "embrace the hole - for it's an expression of love. It seems empty, but really, it is full." I think Gerald May could teach us all how to survive spiritually. It is no coincidence that his last book, written as he was dying, is about the dark night of the soul.
If you haven't read his stuff, I think you would love it.
I think you have much to offer, one piece of which is what you have identified here. Raising up the spiritual issues of deep grief sounds like a calling to which you are able to respond as one who is living through the painful days of survival. What a gift to offer the world of those who suffer similarly, and to those who love and minister to the same.
Jodie - thank you; I'm going to look for that last May book later today.
(((GG)))
Mich
yes! what they all said.
I'm so glad that you listened to yourself, and left when it was time.
When I started writing my blog, it was because I felt the deep need to tell the truth about what this is like, as if I were a reporter on the front lines of some horrendous war. I wanted to record what it felt like, and what the process was for me, partly because there is no map of this territory. I know people who have done this before me, but they didn't do it in way that I wanted to do it. The process of being honest about it and seeking God in the midst of it, has been very, very helpful in surviving day by day.
You have a strong, clear voice, deep honesty and a good listening ear, so I am sure that what you think, write and speak will be a blessing to others. May you feel God's love holding you every step of the way.
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