I did TWO thee-mile walks today. Hebrew makes me restless and so, after my three hour class and one and one-half hour tutoring session, I went for a walk and got rained on and then, before dinner, unable to sit still and study, I grabbed my notes and retraced my steps.I was alternating between trying to grasp the text (carrying a xeroxed copy covered with a plethora of tiny handwritten notes) and pondering the questions that plague me these days. Hebrew must be memorized, but one cannot lose a child to suicide in the middle of seminary and not have one's concept and dreams of ministry utterly changed. The constant dualism of my train of what passes for thought.
And then I saw this little bird in someone's yard and turned my attention to it. The words "chipping sparrow" slowly emerged from the very dim recesses of my very much fogged and disabled mind. A mile or so later and another one appeared at the reservoir around which I walk. Chipping sparrows. Birds that in another lifetime I would have noted or checked off on a spring migration list.
Who was that woman? It seems so odd to me, that there are still chipping sparrows and that I still notice.
7 comments:
Dualism of thought...a great term. I have it too, but never labeled it. Impossible not to have it, impossible to function fully with it. Another bind that comes with grief.
It occurs to me that perhaps the challenges of Hebrew are actually a resting place for your bright, but now over-active, mind.
O.K. this may seem like a weird question, but do you have Mourning Doves in Ohio? The call is at once beautiful and so hauntilly sad. Everytime I hear their call, I think of you. From now on, when I hear it, I have determined to say a prayer for you.
There are levels of objective sounds and experiences all around us. I believe now that it is what we endure passing through that strips off the buffers that keep those sounds and experiences from fully reaching what operates as our organic receptors. The buffers being rather like blinders made of the regular rhythms we create for our lives and call "normalcy."
And I believe that God sometimes has specific work and purpose for those who are so "stripped" as it were.
Thank you, Lovie. And yes, we have mourning doves.
"It seems so odd to me, that there are still chipping sparrows and that I still notice."
I do know this feeling ... an example of the surreal moments in life.
Chipping Sparrows are way cool. Glad they chose to let them see you.
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