Sunday, October 4, 2009

Breakfast Break

A good friend and I spent some coffee shop time together yesterday morning.

She asked me if I had found any bit of happiness yet, and was herself unhappy with my answer. We talked about it for quite awhile.

I really like and trust this friend. But she has two daughters who have children, a son just married, and another son (a former boyfriend of The Lovely Daughter!) to be married next summer. And two other wonderful girls. And so I do not expect her, between stints as Mother-of-the-Groom, to have any idea what my life and thoughts are like.

But her (admittedly gentle) exhortations reminded me of something my fellow friend and blogger Joan Calvin said recently, in commenting on the penchant family and friends have for insisting that someone suffering from a serious illness will feel better if she has a positive attitude.

"It will be easier for the family and friends," she notes.

Just added to my little pile of Wisdom Notes:

If someone honors you with a frank revelation of her struggles, try to accept her words as the gift they are, and refrain from telling her how she could be doing it better than she is. She probably isn't burdening too many people with her reality.

(Chuckle: Unless she blogs.)


Ruth Hull Chatlien said...

I'm glad you saw that her comments were more about her than about you.

karen gerstenberger said...

Yes, bloggers are likely spilling their guts somewhere, aren't we! And thanking God that we have an undconditionally accepting forum in which to do so! XO

Rev SS said...

Amen! Good wisdom note.

Anonymous said...

Some of us can barely even blog.

Gannet Girl said...


Karen and Joe said...

I am very careful with what I say on my blog, just for the reason you state. But I can say anything I want on your comment section, and take advantage of that anonymity now and then.(haha!) What a relief!
I know I have friends who shake their heads and wonder, "When is she going to get over this?". I politely try to tell them,"Never", but they aren't listening. Why is it so hard for people to grasp the devastation of losing a child? That's really a profound mystery to me.
GG, I do so hope you get support and understanding from somewhere... you so deserve it.

Carol said...

It seems so sensible. And yet so many of us who haven't walked in your path don't know this. Thanks for the lesson.

Anonymous said...

A friend experiencing a loss similar to mine several years after my bereavement asked "when will I get over this?" I answered "Never. I haven't even figured out how to get used to it."

Now, another loss. I'm very tempted to print this blog entry and give copies to my loving, well-meaning friends.