Saturday, September 26, 2009

Michelle, Karen, Chris

Michelle ~ Point taken about the distinction between hope and comfort. You are brilliant. I think I have angrily and resentfully resisted offerings of hope because I have interpreted them as people wanting to bring comfort. I do not want to be comforted. I do, however, want to hope.

Karen ~ Truthfully (!) I am not particularly honest. I don't write about the darkest times, the blackest thoughts, except in my private journals, and I only share those feelings and experiences with one or two other people. I remember how shocked I was at first by some of the thoughts that other suicide survivors revealed in safe conversations, by what I was hearing when I was still too numb to articulate thoughts of my own. I am so glad that I said nothing, because I came to realize that the sky is not the limit, and that raw expressions of grief and horror have a way of emerging eventually. I don't have the energy to explain or defend that reality, however. And yet, to whatever extent we can move toward helping each other come to terms with our undesirable realities ~ that's a good thing.

Chris ~ I am so aware that tomorrow is your anniversary day. I think of your beautiful Sarah on the beach at home and on the path along the Italian Coast and I want to scream and shake the universe on your behalf. It is SO WRONG ~ but her life was SO RIGHT. Your beautiful, beautiful daughter ~ what a joyous light she was in this world and what a gracefulness of memory she has left even those of us who can know her only through you. Be well this week-end, dear Chris.

1 comment:

Michelle said...

Wanting to hope might just be hope in another guise.